Instructions on Clean Shirts and Late Starts

Earlier this month Jules was in Pennsylvania helping Kate and Nate with the arrival of Savannah, their new daughter, Porter's new sister, and our new Granddaughter. Exciting times!

Before she went, Jules left me instructions about Wookie. Things like, "Remember this Tuesday is not late start but next Tuesday is" - referring to the school's start times.

I found out Jules also left instructions for Wookie about me.

"Mom told me not to let you continue wearing shirts if you got stains on them."

"How am I doing?" I asked

"Good, so far"

I made Wookie's job a little easier by not making Spaghetti and sauce during Jule's absence.

As far as my job to remember late start, no dice. On the second Tuesday, when I noticed Wookie didn't get up at her usual 0620, I popped my head in her room and said "Hey, its 6:30"

Without rolling over she gave me this classic response: "That means nothing to me"  and went back to sleep.

Who Buys the Pants in Your Family?

If you know Jules, you know she had back surgery a week and a half ago and is supposed to be confined to the house, well mostly the bed, for another week. Which leaves me shopping alone. Yesterday, at Wal-Mart I happened to pick up a pair of Levi's for myself. Other than my Air Force uniforms, this was the first time I bought pants without her assistance since we were engaged and I complained "cords" where getting harder to find ("There's a reason for that" she said).

I don't think I've ever bought a shirt on my own. Mom always did that when I was growing up - usually for Christmas and birthdays. My grandmother helped outfit me with shirts for my mission, though the critical decision then was the long sleeve/short sleeve ratio. Since we've been married, Jules either helps pick out the shirts or just occasionally brings one home. This is a good thing, otherwise I'd wear a shirt till even DI would refuse to take it.

Once I took Ty to get a pre mission suit and took Wookie along as a precaution. I think she nixed a few suits before we found one for him. The store also had a deal: 'Buy one suit and buy another for a dollar'. So Wookie helped me pick out the extra suit for me. The pickings were slim, but Wookie did the most with that dollar. She compensates by getting me great ties for Father's day.

When Wookie was younger, she would go through my closet at the end of my Air Force work day and lay out an outfit for me to change into. It was something she liked doing and was useful for me. Even now she occasionally watches out for me. Last night she and I were getting smoothies at McDonalds and I noticed some teenage boys with tennis shoes, ankle length socks, and shorts.

"Hey" I told her "Ankle socks and shorts are coming back. I can break out my socks"

She told me the socks had to have the Nike logo, otherwise no dice. Who made that rule? I'm sure the boys were only wearing what their mothers gave them.

Driving Lessons

I started teaching Wookie to drive. We are using a car with a standard transmission and she's been doing pretty good. Sometimes a glimpse of her personality comes out:

"What happened!" she says as the car stalls. She had just stopped and was starting to go forward again.

"You didn't put it back in first gear" I explained.

"Why would I want to do that!? she asks

That's my Wookie - question everything.

I tell her if we could drive everywhere in second gear we would. True story - my brother, when he wasn't much older than Wookie, drove the Ford Pinto we shared five miles in second gear when the gear stick came off. When he got home, he gave the stick to my Dad and said it broke. My Dad took it, went to the car and in two seconds screwed it back on. We learn a lot from our Dads.

Now it is my turn. I enjoy teaching my kids how to drive. It's a nice time to be together and its provided me with fond memories.

Pick a Number

I got a call from a SelectHealth robot again.

"Are you a parent of Bobby X? Please say yes or no"

I got the same call a week before. I hope its not important.

"No" I responded

"Will you take a message for the parent of Bobby X?"

Last week I said no and the recorded voice said thank-you and promptly hung up. I tried a different tactic.

"You have a wrong number" I said

"Thank-you" the machine responded "Please have a parent call 1-800-_____"

That's why we don't send robots off to war I later told Ty. He mimicked "Are you Osama Bin Ladin? Please say yes or no"

Sometimes humans aren't much better.

Years ago we would get calls from a local Junior High when Sammy didn't show up. Despite telling the secretary she had the wrong number, we continued to get those truancy calls. At the end of the school year Sammy actually called. He wanted to know where his report card was. I wanted to tell him he skipped school so much we didn't bother with the report card but Jules wouldn't let me.

For the past six years people still call Jule's cell phone for Tina. Jules politely lets the caller know Tina hasn't had the number in years. The unsaid message is if Tina gave you this number, Tina doesn't want to hear from you.

Even the professionals at Ma Bell mess the numbers up occasionally. After getting new phone service set-up in a new home we found we were still getting calls for two numbers, ours and the previous occupants.

"That's impossible, Ma'am" the operator told Jules.

"Humor me" and call each number Jules responded.

The operator experienced a miracle.

The real miracle will be if SelectHeath finds Bobby X's parents

A New Approach to Resolutions

Yesterday I was eating lunch with Jules and Raychee when Wookie walked in and eagerly declared success with her New Year's resolution even though we weren't a full week into the new year.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I'm not going to drink sodas" she beamed

"Why would you do that?" Sodas aren't a vice in the household, in fact we keep a stash of Diet Coke and Fresca in food storage, next to the canned peaches.

"I don't like soda" Wookie explained. "So I'll be able to keep this resolution"

It's true, Wookie doesn't drink much soda. Even at fast food resturants she gets the fruit punches. We even have a stash of non-soda liquid refreshments in food storage I call "Wookie drinks" because I use them for her lunches; usually fruit punch in loudly decorated containers or nasty Gatorade she seems to like.

Jules and I realized we were looking at this resolution thing the wrong way. Why not throw in a resolution or two that already matches your lifestyle?

We both resolved to stay clean and sober. I'll even stay off the Gatorade.

Committed

The point in remodeling projects where you're committed is usually before you get to the hard part

 



Before





Done with the easy parts







The Land Line

As part of the changing technological times, our home phone, the land line, has been relegated to the same status as a junk email account. You know, the number you use when filling out forms from companies you don't want to hear from again, at least on your cell-phone. The number is still listed in the church roster because Jules and I didn't want to be fielding calls for each other or Wookie if we used one of our cell numbers.

So if a call is not from someone in the church, it is most likely a sweepstakes offer or the Republican party.

We get phone service from the cable company. "Could I get a discount if we dropped the phone service" I asked. "No" said the salesman. He explained the phone is now considered a free feature. Just like Yahoo and Google email accounts. Alexander Graham Bell must be rolling in his grave.

But the cable company does have a neat app. I can get land line voicemail forwarded to my cell phone. That's good since no one used the land line much and messages would lie dormant for weeks.

While I was at work the other day, my cell chimed to let me know the land line had a voice message.

I recognized Ty's voice "Mom, pick up the phone. I need your help". I hit redial and was surprised to hear a woman's voice. It was a bank manager in another county. "Uh, my son called from this number about fifteen minutes ago" I said. Turns out Ty was at job interview and locked his keys and phone in the car.

"Only had one number memorized, huh?" I joked with him when I brought a spare key to his rescue.

"Well that one and my own cell" he replied.

Me too. By the end of the day I placed the numbers of family and a few neighbors in my wallet.

In the seventies, it was a cub scout requirement to memorize your home phone number. I memorized my Dad's work number too. Those two numbers and a dime gave me complete access to all the phones available to my family. Not anymore, and the land line is now probably the least important number to memorize.

One feature of a land line used to be the "line" physically connecting the phone to the wall. Over the years, we migrated to the wireless handsets. Eventually those handsets all migrated to the handset graveyard - Wookies's room where they languished till their batteries died. I finally went to DI (Goodwill for those of you back East) and bought an old phone that connects to the wall. It is inconvienent, but at least we know where to find it.

We'll continue to keep the land line as long as it is free, but if you really want to talk to me, call my cell.

Fat Cat

What?

"Looks like I'll be getting that new carpet soon" quipped Jules as we watched our cat, Stitch, fail to to clear the top of the bed in an attempt to jump up. Jules is going to buy new carpet when the cat dies. She won't get it now because she doesn't want hairball stains on it.

In the past week we've watched Stitch hit the side of the bed, dresser, and coffee table.

He definately used a life on the coffee table - from embarrassment if not from a broken neck. Being lazy, Stitch jumped from the couch only to the 'edge' of what he thought was the table. He actually planted his front paws on a magazine that extended about an inch beyond the edge. His feet kept going till his face hit the table and caused him to flip backwards to the floor. It was the most ungraceful thing I've seen a cat do.

We got Stitch when Wookie gave up the "fire" about ten years ago. I don't know what that is in dog years but it doesn't seem too old to me. I suppose he is just heavier now and hasn't compensated for the extra weight. He used to be able to jump from my nightstand to the top of our armoire. Heck he routinely would make his way up the apricot tree to our roof to meow outside our window when he got locked out at night.  Now he rarely goes outside - and never in winter.

Years ago he got caught in a neighbors racoon trap. He was in it for about a day before the owner found him. Stitch started to limit his time outside then. One night we heard two cats fighting. The next morning we found orange tufts of fur all over the driveway. Stitch was missing for four days. When he showed up, he had a deep gash in his stomach. That's pretty much when he gave up outdoor life. Now he just stays in the house all day. He probably watches TV and eats cat nip when we are out.

So the cat is out of shape. I'll have to see what can be done to get him back in shape to put off the expense of a new carpet.

Eggies

Jules and I laugh each time we see the actors laboriously peel the shell from hard boiled eggs in the Eggies commercials. Despite the shallow acting, we'd say "why didn't we think of that?" A week ago Jules bought a box of those labor saving devices.

Despite our near three decades of marriage, it still does not occur to me that one should wash cookware just purchased from the store. "It looked clean to me" is probably a man's mantra. Fortunately Jules does make sure cookware of unknown origins always gets washed. So the Eggies were washed and set to dry on our counter. When it came time to put them away I decided I would just put them in service.

Earlier Wookie let me know she wanted to crack eggs and empty them into the Eggies, so I called her into the kitchen and set water boiling in a pan. I had Wookie crack the eggs into a measuring cup and explained "in case you get shells mixed in." She cracked an egg - no shells. So far so good.

Each Eggie consists of four parts. I fit the bottom three parts together leaving the cap off.

"Your not doing it right" said Wookie

"I am" I countered.

We both looked at the box. "O.K" she said.

She poured the egg white and yolk into the Eggie. The hole is not wide enough to prevent some of the egg white from running down the side.

Wookie tried another one but this time she wanted to separate the yolk from the egg. She was doing a good job pouring the egg white out of the cup into the Eggie while carefully retaining the yolk in the measuring cup.

"Wait" I said, " Use the yolk separating tool that came with the Eggie." It was listed as a "bonus" item on the box.  Wookie poured the yolk onto the separating tool. By this time, only about a half teaspoon of egg white was left to separate.

Wookie let me finish the rest of the eggs. On my first try I managed to get two egg shells into the measuring cup with the egg. Using a neat trick I learned long ago, I used part of the shell to fish out the broken eggshells. Unfortunately my "fishing" scoop eggshell also broke so I now had three eggshells floating in the cup. I decided I would use the yolk separater to capture the eggshells. I managed to get two of them as I poured the egg over the separater and along the side of the Eggie. I had egg all over the counter. By the time I cleaned up the mess, I figured I could have peeled the shells from three regular hard boiled eggs.

I finally had all six containers filled, each with egg on the sides since the yolk would momentarily plug the hole before falling in, which let egg white run over the side. In two cases the yolk broke before pouring into the hole. Some of the Eggies leaked around the middle because the retaining collar was not screwed on tight enough. I tightened them and then set each Eggie into the pot of boiling water. Soon it was apparent that I didn't tighten one Eggie enough as I saw Eggie components floating in the pot with the egg scum on top of the water.

As I watched the eggs boil, it occurred to me that I just put enclosed capsules of egg and air in boiling water. That didn't seem right from a physics perspective. I looked at the box - the third step shows a complete container ready for boiling. I probably shouldn't completely trust pictures drawn in countries that have potential for being enemies of the U.S. In this case nothing happened - when I later retrieved the Eggies, everyone of them were full of water. Not exactly air tight. So before putting them in the fridge, I had to unscrew the cap and pour out the water.

For breakfast this morning, Wookie went for an Eggie. She twisted the Eggie ("As seen on TV"). Nothing happened. I had to scoop it out with a spoon.  Later Jules told us we didn't follow the directions - turns out there was a folded paper in the box with seven steps, four more than the three shown on the outside of the box. Sure enough, step 2 states "You MUST coat the inside of the Eggies with either non-stick cooking spray or oil. DO NOT spray directly into the Eggies. Spray onto paper towel and evenly coat the inside of the top and bottom pieces." I didn't remember seeing this in the commercial.

Interestingly enough, step one is "Wash Eggies before use." Jules said this type of product isn't good for a nation where only one third of the population reads directions. I said "That high?" She said she was extrapolating her estimate from the population sample in our household. She always was a curve buster.

So in the end I can report it takes seven eggs to produce five eggs from Eggies. I'm not sure you'll save much peeling time once you've accounted for cleaning counters, washing Eggies, and washing egg scum off your pots.

Monopoly

"I'm gonna make you cry" I teased

"I'm not gonna" Wookie replied as she helped set up the monopoly game.

I was just getting her psyched for our epic game.

Wookie always wants to play monopoly but is seldom accommodated. It's a long game. When I was her age I was the one trying to get others to play.  Understanding her frustration, I suggested we set up a game and play it for a limited amount of time each night. She thought that was a great idea. We've had the board set up on a card table in the office for the past week.

Technically we are on game three. Wookie would say the first two were mulligans.  Both involved me owning a lot of houses and some luck of the dice. Incredibly Wookie managed to land on my Park Place or Broadway three times in a row. Each time I had added another house.

"I get to go in debt" she said.

"What!, she's been watching the Fed" I thought?

"No, that's not part of the rules" I said

We settled on a $200 debt limit, but I had to do the loaning. None of this Fed stuff.

"You didn't pay the $75 inheritance tax" I said

"I didn't have to since you rolled the dice" She said

"So?"

"If you aren't paying attention and roll the dice without making sure I don't pay, I don't have to" She said "It's MONOPOLY"

"I don't think that's in the rules" I said

"That's the way Rachee does it" she replied.

I'm not sure what the rules are on this point. They aren't in the box and the last time I read them was when I was Wookie's age.

"OK" I said, noting the death spiral in Wookie's finances.

"Dad, you think we could start over" she asked

I made an exaggerated show of looking her in the eye.

"I'm not crying" she said

The Princess and the Tremors

"You know I felt one more earthquake after you went to bed last night" Wookie told me as I drove her home from school.

"You are the princess that can feel the pea!" I said slightly amazed.

She told me she felt six total. I felt or rather "heard" four - they manifested themselves as slight rattles in the house. No sensation of movement like the larger earthquakes I experienced living in the Philippines and Alaska.

Wookie noticed the first quake sometime after dinner.

"Did you feel that!" she said excitedly

Jules did. I didn't. I had been napping half on the love seat.

After we went to bed I heard what sounded like the cat playing under the bed. The window blinds rustled slightly. I thought I had taken the cat out before I shut the bedroom door. I couldn't be sure. For a moment I thought maybe it was a tremor. I really didn't want to get out of bed to toss the cat out.

Then I heard movement from Wookie's room. She was making a beeline to Jules' and my room. No doubt in my mind then - it must have been an earthquake. Or we had two cats.

Wookie made her way to my side of the bed in the dark.

"Dad! Did you feel the earthquake! I'm scared" she said.

"Yeah, but it was a little one. Maybe it was an airplane  or truck that drove by" I replied

"No! it was an earthquake!"

"Well, let's see if there is anything on the internet" I said getting out of bed.

I found a seismograph web site. The nearest station was on the North end of Antelope Island. Probably in the visitors center I thought. I pulled up the chart and it took me a few minutes to figure it out. First it was recording in Mountain Standard Time one hour off from our Daylight Time. Then I realized each line covered fifteen minutes - four lines to the hour. Sure enough there was needle movement in the middle of the third line below the 21:00 mark. Converting to Daylight Time it happened at 10:38.  There also appeared to be a 10 minute delay.

"Look at this squiggly line. It shows an earthquake at 10:38, just a little while ago." I pointed it out to Wookie.

"See, I was right" she said. "You said it was an airplane!"

Shortly afterward we heard slight rattling throughout the house.

"There is another one Dad!" as she grabbed my arm. This happened two more times, each with the same accompanying arm grab from Wookie.

We waited and refreshed the seismographic plot. Sure enough, three more squiggly lines appeared, starting around 10:55.

I convinced Wookie that a bunch of smaller earthquakes released pent up energy making it less likely a large earthquake would happen soon, then I went to bed.

The next morning I printed off the plot at work and showed Emma. She had also felt the 10:38 earthquake but she didn't feel the three others.

"Huh!" I thought, when I saw the last set of squiggly lines at 11:50. There was one more tremor after I went to bed for the final time. I didn't feel it.

But the princess did!

In Like a Lion...



Less than a week ago, I was writing about the largest snowfall of the season. Today we enjoyed a slightly cool spring day. It was nice enough to enjoy a walk through the neighborhood without a sweater.



Winter Wonderland Last Week





Spring Today







I don't think the snow fort will last till April



Where do you find a cat with no legs?

The same place you left him.



Stitch McDuck



March Snow

Are those my safety glasses?

Wookie and I like snow.

"Look at all the snow Dad! If you go out to shovel I'll help."

She never got around to shoveling, which is just as well. We had about six inches of wet snow tonight and it was heavy. The plow came by and left huge balls of snow in its wake. Wookie rolled one over to the front yard to make a snowman. I shoveled the snow from the driveway next to the snowman under construction; she'll use the pile to make a snow fort. This may be the last year she'll want to make snow forts. Maybe it won't melt until April.

Wookie also likes to ski, but I've never learned, so she has only done it twice - both times arranged by Rachee, the only other sibling who skis. I thought about taking some lessons, but I think my bones are too brittle. I'll stick to snow shoeing.

Friday Night Ritual

A couple of Fridays ago, Wookie calls from Gertrude's house: "What time are you coming?"

"I'll pick you up at 10:00 pm"

"How about 10:30" she replies

"No, I'm picking you up at 10:00"

"Helga gets to stay later, why can't I stay till 10:30"

Exasperated, with a raised voice "Because I'm not planning to stay up till 10:30!"

"Hold on, let me turn the phone off speaker" she says

Me "!"

I pick up Wookie, at 10:00 pm; coincidently, Helga is getting picked up at the same time by her Dad.

Check Please!

As you've probably heard by now, Jules worked this Valentines, so we had our Valentines date Saturday. It was quite the romantic evening. We spent five minutes on dinner at our favorite steak restaurant and the rest of the evening touring Ogden emergency rooms to sew Jules hand back together.

One of the things I admire about Jules is she is very decisive, but Saturday it worked against her. Somehow she flipped her steak knife off her plate and quick as a flash she reached out to grab it. The knife sliced a one inch long gash in her hand. The restaurant staff provided a temporary bandage. I got the meals boxed and paid the check.

We arrived at McKay-Dee the same time a gaggle of police arrived with a suspect/patient – and they wanted additional security. We headed up to Ogden Regional instead. They were advertising an eight minute wait on a billboard we passed.

Five stitches! Jules can tell you about the first stitch she took without pain killer.

I have to admit, earlier I was thinking "If Ogden Regional doesn't work out, there's always Walgreen’s and butterfly bandages". I'm glad we stuck with the emergency room.  

Baby It's Cold Outside

Best remoldeling decision we've made so far? Thermostat in the bedroom.

Don't Know Much about History

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
- George Santayana

"If you don't learn history, it will repeat. So don't teach me about the good parts."
- Wookie

Driving Miss Wookie

Emma just got off the phone with her daughter.

“She’s home?” I asked

“Yeah, it’s ‘early out’” she replied.

Yikes! – I forgot the Wookie has ‘early out’ too.

Early out Fridays – something I’m not used to. Jules usually gets Wookie to and from school, but Jules was at a conference. I would pick up Wookie instead. In fact I was in the process of setting my alarm to remind me in an hour when I realized I had to leave immediately to make it on time.

I got to school just before the bell. No harm no foul, but if I had missed the rendezvous the first distress call would go to Mom. Then the inevitable text from Jules: “Where are you? Did you forget again?!”  I’ve only forgotten once, but that’s all it took to get a reputation.

An hour late, Jules texted “Did you remember to pick up Wookie?”

She was an hour off too. I texted back and let her know I even remembered ‘early out’- that would help to restore my reputation.

Jules and I opted not to join a car pool. We both tend to get agitated waiting for kids marching to their own drummers. So we keep friendly relations with the neighbors and do our own driving. It’s just 10 minutes in the morning and 10 more in the afternoon.

“Dad! We gotta’ go back to school” said Wookie as we entered our neighborhood. “I forgot to turn in my registration for next year”.

Usually 10 minutes.

We treated the boys differently. When Tyler was the same age, he was on his own as far as getting to and from school was concerned. So were his friends. They rode skateboards and bikes down and back. We assured them this was great preparation for scouting. Or whatever. If it was snowing, I would drive the boys to school on my way to work. They formed their own car pool when they became drivers. There were six young men; one who had a car with only five seats. We let them figure it out. They were accident free – as far as I know.

But we get to drive Wookie for now. That way we don’t worry about skateboarding packs of boys.

That’s Mister Señor

When I mention I have a son on a mission in Uruguay, some who know Spanish condescendingly turn on the Ricky Ricardo voice and say “OO-a-gu-ay.” Or something Spanish sounding. It's amusing. Call me old school, but if I start a sentence in English I like to end it in English. After all, when Ricky tells me his kid is in Germany I don't wince and tell him it’s pronounced “Deutschland.”

But I will make an exception for the Tehas, Saint Anthony mission - you know, home to the Alamo. Mixing Spanish and English in the same sentence is quite common there. The locals call it Spanglish. It’s a bit endearing, but as one frustrated employer put it, “It’s not bilingual, it’s being illiterate in two languages.”

So I'll continue to pronounce "Uruguay" in Lucy's language while enjoying the inevitable Ricky impersonations that will follow.