Driving Lessons

I started teaching Wookie to drive. We are using a car with a standard transmission and she's been doing pretty good. Sometimes a glimpse of her personality comes out:

"What happened!" she says as the car stalls. She had just stopped and was starting to go forward again.

"You didn't put it back in first gear" I explained.

"Why would I want to do that!? she asks

That's my Wookie - question everything.

I tell her if we could drive everywhere in second gear we would. True story - my brother, when he wasn't much older than Wookie, drove the Ford Pinto we shared five miles in second gear when the gear stick came off. When he got home, he gave the stick to my Dad and said it broke. My Dad took it, went to the car and in two seconds screwed it back on. We learn a lot from our Dads.

Now it is my turn. I enjoy teaching my kids how to drive. It's a nice time to be together and its provided me with fond memories.

Pick a Number

I got a call from a SelectHealth robot again.

"Are you a parent of Bobby X? Please say yes or no"

I got the same call a week before. I hope its not important.

"No" I responded

"Will you take a message for the parent of Bobby X?"

Last week I said no and the recorded voice said thank-you and promptly hung up. I tried a different tactic.

"You have a wrong number" I said

"Thank-you" the machine responded "Please have a parent call 1-800-_____"

That's why we don't send robots off to war I later told Ty. He mimicked "Are you Osama Bin Ladin? Please say yes or no"

Sometimes humans aren't much better.

Years ago we would get calls from a local Junior High when Sammy didn't show up. Despite telling the secretary she had the wrong number, we continued to get those truancy calls. At the end of the school year Sammy actually called. He wanted to know where his report card was. I wanted to tell him he skipped school so much we didn't bother with the report card but Jules wouldn't let me.

For the past six years people still call Jule's cell phone for Tina. Jules politely lets the caller know Tina hasn't had the number in years. The unsaid message is if Tina gave you this number, Tina doesn't want to hear from you.

Even the professionals at Ma Bell mess the numbers up occasionally. After getting new phone service set-up in a new home we found we were still getting calls for two numbers, ours and the previous occupants.

"That's impossible, Ma'am" the operator told Jules.

"Humor me" and call each number Jules responded.

The operator experienced a miracle.

The real miracle will be if SelectHeath finds Bobby X's parents

A New Approach to Resolutions

Yesterday I was eating lunch with Jules and Raychee when Wookie walked in and eagerly declared success with her New Year's resolution even though we weren't a full week into the new year.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I'm not going to drink sodas" she beamed

"Why would you do that?" Sodas aren't a vice in the household, in fact we keep a stash of Diet Coke and Fresca in food storage, next to the canned peaches.

"I don't like soda" Wookie explained. "So I'll be able to keep this resolution"

It's true, Wookie doesn't drink much soda. Even at fast food resturants she gets the fruit punches. We even have a stash of non-soda liquid refreshments in food storage I call "Wookie drinks" because I use them for her lunches; usually fruit punch in loudly decorated containers or nasty Gatorade she seems to like.

Jules and I realized we were looking at this resolution thing the wrong way. Why not throw in a resolution or two that already matches your lifestyle?

We both resolved to stay clean and sober. I'll even stay off the Gatorade.

Committed

The point in remodeling projects where you're committed is usually before you get to the hard part

 



Before





Done with the easy parts







The Land Line

As part of the changing technological times, our home phone, the land line, has been relegated to the same status as a junk email account. You know, the number you use when filling out forms from companies you don't want to hear from again, at least on your cell-phone. The number is still listed in the church roster because Jules and I didn't want to be fielding calls for each other or Wookie if we used one of our cell numbers.

So if a call is not from someone in the church, it is most likely a sweepstakes offer or the Republican party.

We get phone service from the cable company. "Could I get a discount if we dropped the phone service" I asked. "No" said the salesman. He explained the phone is now considered a free feature. Just like Yahoo and Google email accounts. Alexander Graham Bell must be rolling in his grave.

But the cable company does have a neat app. I can get land line voicemail forwarded to my cell phone. That's good since no one used the land line much and messages would lie dormant for weeks.

While I was at work the other day, my cell chimed to let me know the land line had a voice message.

I recognized Ty's voice "Mom, pick up the phone. I need your help". I hit redial and was surprised to hear a woman's voice. It was a bank manager in another county. "Uh, my son called from this number about fifteen minutes ago" I said. Turns out Ty was at job interview and locked his keys and phone in the car.

"Only had one number memorized, huh?" I joked with him when I brought a spare key to his rescue.

"Well that one and my own cell" he replied.

Me too. By the end of the day I placed the numbers of family and a few neighbors in my wallet.

In the seventies, it was a cub scout requirement to memorize your home phone number. I memorized my Dad's work number too. Those two numbers and a dime gave me complete access to all the phones available to my family. Not anymore, and the land line is now probably the least important number to memorize.

One feature of a land line used to be the "line" physically connecting the phone to the wall. Over the years, we migrated to the wireless handsets. Eventually those handsets all migrated to the handset graveyard - Wookies's room where they languished till their batteries died. I finally went to DI (Goodwill for those of you back East) and bought an old phone that connects to the wall. It is inconvienent, but at least we know where to find it.

We'll continue to keep the land line as long as it is free, but if you really want to talk to me, call my cell.

Fat Cat

What?

"Looks like I'll be getting that new carpet soon" quipped Jules as we watched our cat, Stitch, fail to to clear the top of the bed in an attempt to jump up. Jules is going to buy new carpet when the cat dies. She won't get it now because she doesn't want hairball stains on it.

In the past week we've watched Stitch hit the side of the bed, dresser, and coffee table.

He definately used a life on the coffee table - from embarrassment if not from a broken neck. Being lazy, Stitch jumped from the couch only to the 'edge' of what he thought was the table. He actually planted his front paws on a magazine that extended about an inch beyond the edge. His feet kept going till his face hit the table and caused him to flip backwards to the floor. It was the most ungraceful thing I've seen a cat do.

We got Stitch when Wookie gave up the "fire" about ten years ago. I don't know what that is in dog years but it doesn't seem too old to me. I suppose he is just heavier now and hasn't compensated for the extra weight. He used to be able to jump from my nightstand to the top of our armoire. Heck he routinely would make his way up the apricot tree to our roof to meow outside our window when he got locked out at night.  Now he rarely goes outside - and never in winter.

Years ago he got caught in a neighbors racoon trap. He was in it for about a day before the owner found him. Stitch started to limit his time outside then. One night we heard two cats fighting. The next morning we found orange tufts of fur all over the driveway. Stitch was missing for four days. When he showed up, he had a deep gash in his stomach. That's pretty much when he gave up outdoor life. Now he just stays in the house all day. He probably watches TV and eats cat nip when we are out.

So the cat is out of shape. I'll have to see what can be done to get him back in shape to put off the expense of a new carpet.

Eggies

Jules and I laugh each time we see the actors laboriously peel the shell from hard boiled eggs in the Eggies commercials. Despite the shallow acting, we'd say "why didn't we think of that?" A week ago Jules bought a box of those labor saving devices.

Despite our near three decades of marriage, it still does not occur to me that one should wash cookware just purchased from the store. "It looked clean to me" is probably a man's mantra. Fortunately Jules does make sure cookware of unknown origins always gets washed. So the Eggies were washed and set to dry on our counter. When it came time to put them away I decided I would just put them in service.

Earlier Wookie let me know she wanted to crack eggs and empty them into the Eggies, so I called her into the kitchen and set water boiling in a pan. I had Wookie crack the eggs into a measuring cup and explained "in case you get shells mixed in." She cracked an egg - no shells. So far so good.

Each Eggie consists of four parts. I fit the bottom three parts together leaving the cap off.

"Your not doing it right" said Wookie

"I am" I countered.

We both looked at the box. "O.K" she said.

She poured the egg white and yolk into the Eggie. The hole is not wide enough to prevent some of the egg white from running down the side.

Wookie tried another one but this time she wanted to separate the yolk from the egg. She was doing a good job pouring the egg white out of the cup into the Eggie while carefully retaining the yolk in the measuring cup.

"Wait" I said, " Use the yolk separating tool that came with the Eggie." It was listed as a "bonus" item on the box.  Wookie poured the yolk onto the separating tool. By this time, only about a half teaspoon of egg white was left to separate.

Wookie let me finish the rest of the eggs. On my first try I managed to get two egg shells into the measuring cup with the egg. Using a neat trick I learned long ago, I used part of the shell to fish out the broken eggshells. Unfortunately my "fishing" scoop eggshell also broke so I now had three eggshells floating in the cup. I decided I would use the yolk separater to capture the eggshells. I managed to get two of them as I poured the egg over the separater and along the side of the Eggie. I had egg all over the counter. By the time I cleaned up the mess, I figured I could have peeled the shells from three regular hard boiled eggs.

I finally had all six containers filled, each with egg on the sides since the yolk would momentarily plug the hole before falling in, which let egg white run over the side. In two cases the yolk broke before pouring into the hole. Some of the Eggies leaked around the middle because the retaining collar was not screwed on tight enough. I tightened them and then set each Eggie into the pot of boiling water. Soon it was apparent that I didn't tighten one Eggie enough as I saw Eggie components floating in the pot with the egg scum on top of the water.

As I watched the eggs boil, it occurred to me that I just put enclosed capsules of egg and air in boiling water. That didn't seem right from a physics perspective. I looked at the box - the third step shows a complete container ready for boiling. I probably shouldn't completely trust pictures drawn in countries that have potential for being enemies of the U.S. In this case nothing happened - when I later retrieved the Eggies, everyone of them were full of water. Not exactly air tight. So before putting them in the fridge, I had to unscrew the cap and pour out the water.

For breakfast this morning, Wookie went for an Eggie. She twisted the Eggie ("As seen on TV"). Nothing happened. I had to scoop it out with a spoon.  Later Jules told us we didn't follow the directions - turns out there was a folded paper in the box with seven steps, four more than the three shown on the outside of the box. Sure enough, step 2 states "You MUST coat the inside of the Eggies with either non-stick cooking spray or oil. DO NOT spray directly into the Eggies. Spray onto paper towel and evenly coat the inside of the top and bottom pieces." I didn't remember seeing this in the commercial.

Interestingly enough, step one is "Wash Eggies before use." Jules said this type of product isn't good for a nation where only one third of the population reads directions. I said "That high?" She said she was extrapolating her estimate from the population sample in our household. She always was a curve buster.

So in the end I can report it takes seven eggs to produce five eggs from Eggies. I'm not sure you'll save much peeling time once you've accounted for cleaning counters, washing Eggies, and washing egg scum off your pots.